Don't Let Go
by Liari
Summary: I have the sense to realize that I don't know how to let you go.  Anger, at yourself and others, can only be held for so long.  Second of the song fics.


_A/N-Okay, here it is, Rei and Jad! Set to Sarah McLachlan's "Do What You Have To Do," and no, I don't own either character. Also, I really want feedback on this piece and what people think of how the couple is portrayed. If anyone has suggestions for what songs the other couples should be done to, I'm all ears. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy!_

_000 _

Anguish seared her breast at the sight of the man before her. Ironically, she'd always thought the phrase trite and silly, but it was the only one she could think of that described how she felt right now, as if someone had drawn a brand across her chest, stealing the air from her lungs with the pain. He stood there, silent, while she struggled for control. His blue eyes were lit with a hectic light, and it was all she could do to not scream at him to stop looking at her like that. Instead, she managed a hoarse whisper.

"How dare you come here."

He jerked a step forward, mouth opening to say something, and she raised her hand to stop him. "No." She shook her head as he tried again. "No."

_What ravages of spirit conjured this temptuous rage?_

_Created you a monster, broken by the rule of love._

_And fate has lead you through it_

_You do what you have to do_

_I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go…_

"Rei-"

She wrapped her arms around herself and glared. "I said no." She hoped he couldn't see how she trembled, how much having him in front of her tore her open and made her vulnerable. Voice low and harsh, she started talking. "How could you? Did you think I wouldn't know, wouldn't feel it? The moment you came back into existence I knew." Bitterly she looked at him then, her heart writhing within her. "A year. An entire year ago. And now you just show up here?" Her voice nearly broke, but she grasped control with all her strength and finished. "How dare you."

For a moment she thought she saw grief in his eyes, but it couldn't have been. He hadn't even tried to contact her, hadn't had any consideration for what she'd felt, thought, when she knew he was alive again. All she knew now was her anger, this twisting monster under her skin that roared in misery with the knowledge that even with all her fury, she still wanted to run to him and fall into his arms, feel safe within the circle of his love.

"Rei…" The gentleness in his voice brought tears to the surface, barely held back by vehement will. He moved forward again, but she didn't have the strength to stop him again. Hesitantly he paused a bare foot away from her, arm rising as if he would touch her, then dropping again. "…I'm sorry."

_Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul_

_I'm ever swiftly moving trying to escape this desire_

_The yearning to be near you_

_I do what I have to do_

_And I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go…_

She couldn't stop the trembling, hating herself for it. "It's been two years since Usagi healed Galaxia. One since I felt your presence in the world again. And all you can say is you're sorry?" She raised her eyes to his, trying to burn the tears away with rage. "Bastard."

Years of memories that had crashed upon her after Galaxia, of a man in the Silver Millennium that had been everything she'd wanted before betraying her, betraying them all. Him, under Beryl's control. But mostly, memories of his smile, his laugh, his kisses… Memories that burned more than any fire of hers. The constant attempts to forget, to leave it behind in the past where it belonged, throwing herself into training, anything that would get her mind off of _him_. And then, a year ago, to suddenly feel that beloved life flare into existence again…and never hear a word. At first the hope had burned in her; but that slowly died as months passed without anything. She told herself that it didn't matter, maybe he didn't remember, but she knew better. They all remembered.

She'd watched as Kunzite, Nephrite, and Zoicite had appeared, sought their pairs…and she'd been left alone. Whenever she'd approached one of the others, all they'd say was that yes, they knew where he was, but no, they couldn't tell her. That he'd come when he was ready. When she asked, exasperated, what he had to be ready for, they wouldn't tell her that, either. So all she was left with was haunting memories that wouldn't leave her be and an anger that was as much directed at herself as it was at him.

_A glowing ember,_

_burning hot_

_and burning slow._

_Deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you._

His too-blue eyes came up, tried to meet her own as she shied away from the contact. "I had my reasons." He was close enough for his scent to wash over her now, a heady mix of spice and maleness.

"Reasons?" she cried out. "What the hell kind of reasons could you have for leaving me alone this long!?" The plaintiveness in her voice seemed to beat at him, and he reached out to her. She struck him away. "Don't you touch me!"

In an instant he had her chin caught in his hand, forcing her to truly look at him, meet his eyes, blue flame crashing into violet. "Listen to me!" He softened, loosened his grip until it was more of a caress. "Listen to me, Rei." His hand slipped up 'til it cradled her cheek, and she leaned into it involuntarily before jerking away and glaring at him with her most malevolent stare. He gazed back at her, unperturbed, and she subsided, abashed.

"Fine, I'm listening."

He nodded slowly, and took a deep breath. "The reason I didn't seek you out immediately is because I…was afraid."

She stared at him, unsure of what to say to that. Afraid? Jadeite? He'd never been afraid of anything. Brash and bold, he'd always met challenges with a gleeful grin, even the challenge of wooing her. What had changed that?

"I don't understand," she confessed quietly. "What were you afraid of?"

He looked straight at her, heart in his eyes, and she caught her breath before it turned into a sob. _He looks so sad…_ Softly, he answered her. "…you."

She started, and glanced at him askance, skeptic. He'd always been wary of her moods, her tempers and flare-ups, but never afraid. That was one of the reasons she'd loved him so much; he didn't fear her, what she was, what she could do. "Me? Why were you afraid of me?"

He cast his eyes down and hunched his shoulders. "…because I remember what I did to you."

This time the tears nearly escaped. She could feel the heat coming off his body, the shame at what he'd done almost palpable. "Jadeite…"

Slowly, tentatively, he gathered her to him, held her close. She allowed it, to her own surprise. "Rei," he whispered, breath warm in her ear, "please, just let me hold you for a moment. I wanted so much to call you, come see you, but I couldn't. I was too afraid. Too ashamed of what I've done, what I've been. I'm still afraid. Afraid that you can't forgive me, just as I can't forgive myself, and that you hate me. But…I had to come. I had to see you, even if it's only for this one time, to tell you that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, fireeyes."

The old endearment came too close to breaking her heart, the same heart she'd thought she'd immured against him, as did the agonized roughness of his voice. Almost timidly she returned the embrace, felt him stiffen in surprise and then relax. Her voice was soft, and full of the tears she refused to shed. "Yes, I was angry. I was furious, and betrayed, and I wanted to hate you. I wanted to…but I couldn't. I can't hate you, as much as I tried to. I…I didn't know how to let go. I still don't."

He crushed her to his chest, face buried in her mass of ebony hair, and she felt him shaking with repressed sobs. "Rei…"

Her tears finally began to fall. The words cost her pride, but she choked them out, knew if she didn't say them she'd regret it. "Jadeite, please, don't go again. Don't leave me. I've missed you. I know you're sorry, and it's okay, I forgive you."

"God, Rei, how I love you." His arms tightened around her further, making her breathless, and he pulled back just enough to look into her eyes, make sure, and then he kissed her, and it was the same sweet fire that she remembered, only better. He broke the kiss and just held her again, murmuring into her hair, "Don't forgive me yet. I don't deserve it yet, but I will, I promise. I'll make you love me again."

Her smile was tremulous but resolute. "I already do. Just don't let me down, and don't let go."

She felt his smile against her neck when he answered. "I don't know how to let you go."


End file.
